I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
