I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
