I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
