I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its not stalking. its research.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
