I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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