I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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