Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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