i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I look better un-naked...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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