I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
