I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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