That's intense
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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