you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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