my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do herpes really smell.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
