Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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