im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The air was thick with penises
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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