Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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