Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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