they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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