just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
