She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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