My cat gives me a boner
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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