a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
