Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
