You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
