she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
