That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
