Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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