i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
