he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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