I'm so fucking centered right now
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
