I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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