someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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