Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
