I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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