You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
