It's Friday. Sex?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You've changed since you got that strap on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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