its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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