is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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