He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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