she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
