someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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