My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
