it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
