Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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