did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
