Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
