If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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