My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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