So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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