he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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