I am puke
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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