just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you inspire me to be a worse person
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
