Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sext me about skeletons
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize