So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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