What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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