I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
