Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
