Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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