uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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