2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
