You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
